Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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