Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
