Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
