so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
