Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
