The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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