at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
