Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
