accomplished twins. life is a go
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
