I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
