Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
