All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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