So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize