omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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