community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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