It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize