I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
