Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
