All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
