chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
