dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
