so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
