We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
