btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
