Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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