i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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