the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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