I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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