oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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