he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
