I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
the raccoons are back...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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