I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
