I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
