Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
