we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
