I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
