remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
