I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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