My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
