My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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