Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
