I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
