Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
