I've blown a few things in my day
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
