Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize