let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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