My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
