new low.... made out with someone while peeing
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
