Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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