He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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