Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize