Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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