Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
