Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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