I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
