Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
