If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
