im about as happy as oj after his trial
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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