I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
