I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
