I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize