so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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