Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
