Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
