this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
