I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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