I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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