why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
