bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
