Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
