all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize