doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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