You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
