we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize