yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize