And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
