So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
