There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
