party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
