Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
