I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
