Pappa wants mamma naked
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
