She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
