Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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