It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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