You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize