forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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